Misrated: 10 Games the ESRB Got Wrong

We rely on them to police our favorite pastime, but the ESRB doesn't always get it right. Here's how.

Rampant road rage, greasy street hookers, and the kind of uncensored tongue-wagging that makes your grandpa reach for his cane earned Grand Theft Auto IV an M-for-mature rating earlier this year, and deservedly so. The rating is reserved for those games geared towards adults, and GTA IV's sexy, bloody romp through a faux New York was anything but child's play.

Let's be honest, though: Halo 3 may bring the rock and roll, but it left the sex and drugs to the carjackers. Does it really deserve that same M rating from the ESRB? The way we see it, no way. And it's not the only game we think has been misrated.



The Halo Trilogy

ESRB: Mature
Our rating: Teen

Master Chief's galactic odyssey may be action-packed, but it's no gore-fest. There's a distinct lack of flying limbs, the enemies spray puffs of neon blood when shot, and the smack-talking marines would be right at home on a primetime network TV show. There aren't any drugs or alcohol, and the only sexy things in the entire trilogy are an AI construct with circuits for skin and an ATV with a porcine nickname.

Halo might not be for everyone, but gamers are more likely to be offended by the sailor-mouthed kids on Xbox Live than the sci-fi combat of the games themselves. This series should have been rated Teen from the start - it simply doesn't belong in the same bucket as Grand Theft Auto and Manhunt.

Misrated: 10 Games the ESRB Got Wrong




Dead or Alive 4

ESRB: Mature
Our rating: Teen

DOA4 is a bit of an oddity amongst its fighter brethren, and we can't figure out why. The ESRB deemed it a Mature title, yet other games in its genre have skated by without landing the big M. Take Soul Calibur IV and Tekken 5: They both got Teen ratings despite a happy amount of sideboob and plenty of brutal (though not bloody) action. Heck, even the earlier Dead or Alive games were rated Teen.

So what went wrong with DoA4? There's no gushing blood or bare nipples to speak of, and as god-awful as some of the opening one-liners in fights can be, they aren't making us cover our ears. Turning your age in the game up to 99 may warrant a few girlish giggles, but enough for that Mature rating? Come now.

Misrated: 10 Games the ESRB Got Wrong




Call of Duty 2 & 3

ESRB: Teen
Our rating: Mature

That's right, look again if you need to. We're talking about bumping a rating up, not down. That's because unlike Call of Duty 4, CoD2 and CoD3 were rated Teen on release. It was good news for teenagers who wanted to experience what Infinity Ward and Treyarch had to offer, but it wasn't the right rating.

The biggest difference we see between CoD4 and its precursors is the setting, and the historical games were every bit as bloody and gut-wrenching as their modern sequel. Allies still cried out when they were hit and moaned on the ground as they died. Blood still flew from the wounds you inflicted, and weapons and environments were as realistic as the engines allowed them to be. The fact is, there's a difference between the sci-fi combat of a game like Halo and the gritty maturity of re-lived warfare. The ESRB should have recognized that.

Misrated: 10 Games the ESRB Got Wrong




Mass Effect

ESRB: Mature
Our rating: Teen

Mass Effect was awesome. Easily one of the best RPGs of the year, it folded engaging gameplay and a superb story into a rich, engrossing universe. And, as is the norm with any RPG from BioWare, it allowed you to develop relationships with the other characters in the game. Did it have blood? Barely. Foul language? Not at all. Nudity? Nothing you wouldn't see on TV, since all the naughty bits were always covered. Yet the ESRB gave the game a Mature rating, and FOX News absolutely freaked. And yes, it was the partial nudity that did it.

Let's be fair now, folks, was there anything in there that your 13-year-old brother hasn't already seen watching Heroes? Nudity is one thing, but as the ESRB has made clear, a fleeting glimpse of sideboob is quite another. Mass Effect could have been a Teen game.

Misrated: 10 Games the ESRB Got Wrong




The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

ESRB: Mature
Our rating: Teen

It used to be a Teen game. When it was released, it was a Teen game. But then a mod author decided it would be hilarious to unlock bare breasts for all the female wenches in the land. The ESRB's response? Oblivion became a game for the 17-and-over crowd.

It wouldn't be fair to dispute things without pointing out that, yes, the mod in question doesn't add any new textures to the game; it just unlocks hidden textures that were never meant to be seen. But guess what? They were locked. You couldn't see them. The virgin eyes of 15-year-olds around the world were safe and secure, until someone outside Bethesda released a nude patch. It wasn't Bethesda's fault, and it shouldn't have been their problem, but now Oblivion is rated Mature, which means a large body of gamers can't enjoy it. That's a problem.

Misrated: 10 Games the ESRB Got Wrong

Comments [65]

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son_of_Jack

I wonder if they passed on the mature rating for COD2-3 and Ghost Recon for the same reasons the MPAA passed on an NC-17 rating for Saving Private Ryan? I wonder if they felt the violence was in the right context?

Wired22

well, WOW wouldn't be E10 because it's primarily internet and internet people can be reallllllllllllllly nasty.

THATguy12

i think assassin's creed should have also been teen, there was very minimal blood, and no suggestive themes whatsoever, sure you stab folks in the face, but if their face remains unwounded, it doesnt need to get an M

Shammon

No mention of Banjo Kazzoie? there's a whole series of videos devoted to why it shouldn't be an E-rated title.

But yeah, I agree with just about all of these.

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